Sunday, January 27, 2013

Dream (B)log

I decided today to keep track of my dreams. Dreams have always fascinated me. Sometimes because they are so completely random and strange. And other sometimes because they are so relevant and full of symbolism. So I thought "maybe I should start a Dream Blog or something so other people can share in my randomness", and that's when it hit me: I ALREADY had a blog I almost never write in entitled "The Color of Her Dreams". How perfect is that!? lol In all seriousness, I will be posting the dreams I have for my own amusement ad hopefully the amusement of whoever happens to wander to my blog. So my most recent dream happened a couple nights ago...

This dream was actually a nightmare, complete with two elements that are pretty common in my nightmares: 1) pursuit and 2) an evil presence. Despite the fact this is a nightmare, it actually has a good ending, which surprised me.

It starts out in a setting that many of these nightmares have started throughout the years since I was a child as far back as I can remember: the kitchen of my old house I grew up in Ohio. I have no bad memories or experiences tied to that room so it really puzzles me that so many evil dreams start there. The other thing is I am almost always with my sister (perhaps because so much of my growing up life in that house was spent with her).

So, my sister and I are standing in the kitchen and I look out the bay windows that overlook our driveway. And out in the driveway is a big delivery-style truck. I can easily see into the driver's seat area and note there is no one there. Yet the wheel is spinning, first one way and then the next, back and forth. And instantly I knew it was an evil presence and that it was spinning the wheel for me to see (as the presence itself was invisible) in order to let me know it was there. It was as though it was sending me a challenge: "I'm here and I'm coming for you".

I freeze what I am doing, turn to my sister and said something to the effect of explaining the situation and telling her to get out of here. After which (as with most of these dreams), she promptly disappears from the dream altogether, leaving me by myself.

For some time, I couldn't tell you how long, I was chased around the house by the evil presence, feeling absolute terror the entire time. Finally, I realized I had no choice but to exit the house in the hopes of getting away. But the problem being, I knew the presence was not so much chasing me as it was trapping me. But even knowing this, I could feel it drawing closer. It had trapped me on the upstairs level, blocking my path downstairs to either of the ground level exits.

In desperation, I ran into my old bedroom on the third floor and threw open my window. Due to the design of the house, there was a section of roofing that extended out beneath my window so I could easily step out onto the slanted roof and prepare to jump off (or drop off rather).

But even though the drop was not too high and I knew I probably would not die from the drop, I also knew that I really didn't want to jump. My fear of jumping over the edge was almost equal to the fear of the presence that I now sensed had entered past the threshold of my room's entrance and was continuing to slowly advance towards me.

Instinctively, I knew that it did not actually want to "catch" me so much as it wanted to force me to jump off the edge. And still I knew if I did nothing or made no move, allowing it to reach me, something terrible would happen.

And then something in me changed and for the first time in my dream, I turned around to face my un-seeable pursuer. Even though I still couldn't see it I knew I was staring right into it. And it was at that moment that I also sensed it come to an abrupt stop. The heavy feeling of evil was still there and malevolently directed at me, but on a whim I spoke to it. I didn't even expect it myself, but the words came out: "I love God, and no matter what happens, He will be my judge in the end, NOT you."

I felt the air change and a new violence emanated from the presence: anger. And yet it was in that moment that I realized: I didn't have to jump.

And I felt fearless.